yamaboshi | closed ❀

closed ❀

[ She knew what this was the moment that it started.

And more importantly, she had to get rid of it as soon as possible. After all, if her brother- if nii-san found out, he'd punish her. This is horrible. Because if she spoke her feelings on the matter and admitted her feelings to him... their relationship would change drastically. They would no longer be able to maintain the constant kouhai and senpai type of relationship that they held in the past.

But even then, would he accept her?

Honestly, that's the one thing that Sakura was uncertain about, and it made her a little uneasy.

It's early in the morning, around the time when she's about to start making breakfast with him. Although Sakura made the attempt most of the time to cook breakfast before her senpai woke up, there was the occasion when they were both awake at the same time. She didn't mind these simple days.

As she chops some of the carrots with a steady hand and finishes, she takes a glance towards him, and starts: ]

Ah, senpai... do you need some help with th- [ But her words are left unfinished as flowers spill out of her mouth and onto her palms, gardenias and primroses. Her feelings are laid bare for him to see: of a secret love, of desperation. And it causes Sakura's eyes to widen as she quickly curls her fingers inwards, crumpling the petals tightly. Almost enough for her nails to dig through her skin as her gaze drops, her hands trembling. ] Don't look!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[His smile is fairly soft, since he enjoys being able to spend time together with her too... Shirou is well prepared to answer whatever she might be about to ask, steps to the recipe planned out perfectly in his mind already-

He sees the spattering of color spill onto her hands, and Shirou's heart free falls into his stomach because... because in the dim morning light and only a quick once over, that pinkish-purple almost looks red and- and what if she's throwing up,what if she's coughing up blood-]

Sakura-

[After choking out her name, he doesn't waste a second. Shirou completely ignores her protest not to look and grabs her hand, worried about her well being above all else.

Not for a second did he consider the fact that it could be hanahaki. It doesn't even enter his mind as a possibility, and that's why his brain screeches to a halt when he recognizes that’s what it has to be. That it's the only reason why Sakura would have flower petals in her hand, that spilled from her lips...]

This... This is...

[Secret love. And desperation. Even if it hadn't been his first thought, they still live in a world where memorizing the meanings of hanakotoba is drilled into them from an early time. And those are the only things those particular petals could mean, but it's so hard to wrap his mind around the fact that it's happening at all.

~~Something in his chest hurts, locked away in a place Shirou won't acknowledge. Because it won't be for him... right?~~]

...How long has this been happening?

Sen-

[ It's only when he grabs her hand all of a sudden that her grip on the flowers loosen, her hand opening up as all the petals she crumpled fall onto the the kitchen floor. It's because of this that she finds herself just completely baffled to the point where she's just staring at him with wide eyes, her jaw dropped slightly. ]

-pai...

[ He found out.

He found out, he found out, he found out-

She wants to run away and escape, but if she does, she also wouldn't be able to return to this house anymore. And she would be alone once again, in a dark desolate world. More than anything, that's something that she'd like to avoid as much as possible. So she doesn't meet his gaze, her lavender eyes instead fixed at the petals that fell onto the floor. ]

I...

[ But he's asking that question and she feels like fallen snow that's been frozen over. Maybe he really doesn't know. But can she even hide it for much longer? Soon enough, it's going to be obvious who the flowers are meant for.

And she finds herself speaking to him in a soft voice, unable to look at him in the eyes. ]

I don't know. [ That's a lie, one that she hopes he'll believe. ] It just... started happening, one day.

[ Please believe her. ]

[His face can't exactly be called stern, but Shirou's eyes are sharp.]

For this kind of thing, it doesn't really start suddenly... [But he's not here to interrogate Sakura, so he eases his words into a different direction.] You... learned about this in school too, right? [That's something that should be obvious ~~thanks Shirou~~, but...] You already know that... there's only one thing this can be, so...

[The pain comes back to his chest, insistent this time. Shirou tells himself that's wrong - Sakura is the one suffering right now. He shouldn't be allowed to hurt about this at all, but definitely not right now.

Even with something tumultuous stirring in him, it's fine. He forces his voice into a level tone, so it's fine. As long as she's happy, then...

If Sakura is happy... It's fine...

He has to be okay.

He will be okay.

He will make himself be okay.]

The cause of the hanahaki... The person that you like... Have you told them yet?

...

[ He saw right through her so easily, and it's something that causes her violet eyes to widen ever so slightly as she feels something clench in her chest, twisting and making it all that more difficult for her to speak. To retort.

To say something.

Her mouth opens and closes several times as if she's trying to come up with some sort of excuse, to run away from this problem. Teeth graze across her lower lip for a moment, almost contemplative before she finally- ]

No. I haven't.

[ -answers in a voice that seems almost cold, like the winter snow that falls around this time of year, trying to pull her emotions inwards and keep them under lock and key. ]

[For a moment, Shirou is silent.

But then he calls on every bit of inner strength that he has, and forces a smile that's a little weak at the edges.]

You should tell them, then. Don't make yourself suffer needlessly. [Very slightly, he swallows.] I'm sure that whoever it is will return your feelings, because...

[His hand twitches at his side, and Shirou lets himself have one moment of weakness - he lifts his hand to gently lie upon her shoulder.

A sour feeling twists in his belly. He does it now, because soon it'll be someone else's job to give her comfort like this.]

Anyone would be a fool to turn you down.

[ "You should tell them, then."

"Anyone would be a fool to turn you down."

His words resonate with her and she finds herself folding pretty easily, glancing downwards as her cheeks seem to burn a bright scarlet. She shouldn't tell him, because in the end the one that would be suffering would be him. She can suffer on her own, she's done it for so long, after all. ]

Then, senpai... would it really be okay if I liked you?

[ She asks him the question, anyway, irregardless of her thoughts as she threads her fingers together, squeezing them together anxiously. ]

[If his reflexes weren't what they were, his knees would probably buckle.

It's not just shock that's jolting through him - even though that's the dominant feeling - but also relief, because... Because that means...]

Sakura... You...

[There's a breathlessness to his voice, and also a bit of wonder. It's so far from what he'd been expecting that it takes a moment for it to really sink in that Sakura basically just confessed to him, and... That means he doesn't have to lose her at all.

His face is a pretty thorough red, and his heart's thudding hard in his chest.]

Yeah. Yes. It's... okay if you like me. [Shirou swallows.] It's more than okay.

[His eyes dart away just for a second, then back to her. He's not used to feeling nervous in her presence, but it's not a bad nervousness. More excited butterflies fluttering around in his stomach than anything.

He knows what those flower petals mean, and how undeniable they are, but he has to ask. Has to be sure, because he's never thought of himself as self-conscious before, but Shirou has to confirm it - has to be sure that there's no mistake here.]

Are you really sure? There isn't anyone else that you would like more? [He wants to do something with his hands, but there's no longer any utensils or ingredients in his hold, so they're left flexing uselessly at his sides.] Why me, when you could like anyone else...?

[ They honestly should get back to cooking instead of continuing this conversation. He tells her that it's okay, that's it's even more than okay, but even so, she doesn't know if she really deserves it. And he asks her if she's sure- ]

... Yes, senpai.

[ Even though her voice is small, it's filled with confidence and sincerity as she pulls her hands towards her chest, calm and endearing. She laughs a little bit and places an index finger to her lips, smirking a little playfully. ]

But as for why, I'll keep that for later. We should probably finish dinner first, otherwise Fujimura-sensei might get angry.

[A breath pushes out of him. Warm. His chest feels so incredibly warm, and it's likely because some of the weight that had been the sitting there has been pushed away.

She likes him.

She really likes him...

Her words call him back, though, and Shirou realizes with a start that he's just standing there and smiling at her.] R- Right. Fuji-nee will be fine, but it's better to be safe rather than sorry.

[He gives the kitchen counter a once over - this whole situation caught him more off guard than he would've thought, because normally he'd just remember where he left off if something happened. It's been such a short time, but it feels like so much has changed in those few precious moments...]

Here- Sakura, could you chop the green onion for me?

[As soon as he's set it aside in front of her, Shirou goes for the bowl rather than any utensils. That's something for when he's absolutely certain his hands will be steady, and Shirou isn't about to chance that considering what he's going to say next.]

And... By the way.

[A deep breath, and then...]

I accept your feelings, Sakura. And I return them.

[ Seeing his smile warms something in her heart. As long as he could be happy, safe from any sort of harm... there is absolutely nothing else that she could possibly ask for. To Matou Sakura, the boy in front of her was her whole world. He was her only world.

Losing that smile of his would make her shatter, and she doesn't want that.

She won't allow that. Tears nearly start to well in her eyes for what seems to be a flicker of a second before she blinks them away. No, they have to focus on what's important here. ]

Don't make lightly of Fujimura-sensei, senpai. You know what she's like when she's angry...

[ A literal tiger in the house. That's what she's like.

Nevertheless, she nods with what seems to be confidence as she immediately grabs the onions and starts to chop them with quite a bit of skill, almost as if she were showing off, just a little. ]

But if you're going to make me cut all the ingredients like this, I'm going to surpass you at no time and take over the kitchen.

[ It's a joke - sort of, anyway - especially since she's completely serious about overtaking him in the kitchen. The student will definitely surpass the teacher. She's determined.

But what makes her pause in the midst of her putting aside the chopped onions is what he adds—

"And...By the way."

Her breath catches in anticipation, wondering what he plans to say, and her eyes widen slightly when he finally, finally says the words that she thought that he'd never say.

"I accept your feelings, Sakura. And I return them."

Ah.

She wants to cry, but if she does that now, she's certain to ruin the food, and as a professional chef in the Emiya house, she can't do that. Not right now. But she can feel her heart fluttering in her chest, the yearning settling into something more affectionate and warm. ]

Thank you. [ Even though I'm a bad girl. ] Thank you, senpai.

[ She pulls those thoughts behind closed curtains as she returns his smile with one of her own. This is all she needs. This is everything she could have ever asked for.

It's fine.

She's fine.

Just this small bit of happiness, no matter how small and fleeting it is, she can accept that. It's fine to be a little selfish sometimes, she thinks. ]

Now, let's finish this together before Fujimura-sensei gets back.

Fine, fine. Let's do our best so we don't incur her wrath.

[It's easier to say it lightly, almost jokingly, because there's even more weight off his chest now. He really hadn't realized how much was there until it started to get lifted...

It's a really good feeling.

Being around Sakura like this... It's a really, really good feeling.]

Are you really? I'll look forward to it, then. [It's said with a bit of teasing, but there's a little bit of pride underlying it too. She's come such a long way.] I won't accept any less than your absolute best.

[There's a bit of hesitation in the movement, but Shirou realizes he might need to hesitate as much anymore - so he lays a gentle hand on her shoulder.]

But you're welcome, Sakura.

[Even saying her name feels different now... Though it's certainly not in a bad way.

More confident in his hands now, he takes up the daikon and a kitchen knife to assist Sakura. He might be succeeded sooner rather than later, but Shirou isn't going down without a fight.]

It'd be pretty awful of me to leave all the work to you, though. Besides, [his face is a little redder as prepares to say it, but he might as well since they're here and all] it's... better working together like this.

Of course!

[ Besides, if her wrath does end up happening, she's fairly certain the one who's primarily going to be in the line of fire is going to be senpai himself. Well, it isn't as if she minds this much, especially if it's coming from Fujimura-sensei herself. ]

I promised myself that ever since you started teaching me that I'll eventually surpass you, senpai. That way you won't be able to use the kitchen ever again.

[ That's a horrible joke... especially when Shirou follows up her words by telling her that he enjoys working together with her. ]

But I don't mind cooking for you, senpai. [ It makes her cheeks red, although she definitely glances away, going ahead to open one of the cabinets. ] Anyway, I'll go ahead and wash the rice. Are you going to do the miso?

Ah, what a shame. [But he's grinning as he says it.] Losing my pride as a chef, that'll really be a shame... [He pauses in chopping the daikon to wave a finger in the air.] You'd better be ready, though. I won't go down without a fight.

[It feels so natural to do this with her that Shirou has to wonder... How long has this been sitting in front of his face for?

How long has she felt this way? And how long has he felt the same?]

I appreciate everything you do for me. Just don't work too hard, alright? [There's a fond look on his face, settling lightly in his chest. Finishing up the daikon, he allows himself one more pat of her shoulder before he starts moving to the refrigerator.] That's fine, though, I'll handle it. And we can work on the mackerel together. [He kneels down to get the pot from the fridge.] Does white miso sound okay for today?

[ He says "what a shame", but Sakura knows that he doesn't mean it. The fact that they're bantering back and forth makes her feel at ease. The Emiya estate has always been her second home for her - warm, and comforting.

A stark contrast to where she actually lived. ]

Don't worry too much, senpai. I can easily do the cooking and cleaning on my own. After all, that's what you've been teaching me to do all this time. But... if we're having mackerel, wouldn't awase [ red miso ] work better? It'll bring out the taste of the mackerel more because of the umami.

I thought something different might be a little interesting, but you make a good point. [He stands as he pulls out the dashi. There is no shortage of that in the Emiya household. And maybe, just maybe, there's a little hint of pride in his voice.] Those are good observations, Sakura.

[He frowns a little bit at her as he brings it to the stove. Daikon, green onion, carrots. That's everything that needs to go in before boiling.]

Shouldn't I be worrying about you even more now that... [~~why would you ask that though Shirou~~ He trails off, face getting a little red. Well.] A-anyway. There's no harm in shouldering each other's burdens a bit.

White miso works just fine, but there are times where you have to consider the taste of the food overall, too. Otherwise it won't be any good.

[ She smiles proudly, puffing out her chest with confidence. ]

Besides, you've been teaching me well, senpai. Even though you may have me beat when it comes to Japanese food, I'm still better than you at Western cooking.

[ When it comes to cooking, she honestly doesn't want to lose. It's here where she shows her competitive streak as someone from the Tohsaka family = as Rin's sister. When his cheeks burn a bright scarlet, she can't help but feel slight embarrassment herself. ]

Mm... I suppose so. By the way, senpai, how are we cooking the mackerel? Since we can treat it with amiyaki, shimesaba or make it into sabazushi. Or we could braise it, too.

Edited 2018-01-04 10:26 (UTC)

[He blinks at her, for just a moment. And then Shirou grins.]

You really have been learning well, haven't you? I'm glad. [He places the dashi on the stove.] We'll defer to your judgment for today. Red it is. [His face might be just a little bit sheepish as he goes to get the miso.] And of course you are, since it's your specialty... But it doesn't mean you aren't getting better.

[His eyebrow quirks at the question, but Shirou's eyes dance.]

Not even a suggestion of shioyaki? I'm surprised. [He'll let it hang for only a second before his expression shifts back into a smile.] Amiyaki is fine, though, unless you had other plans. I'll get the wire grill out.

I wouldn't have learned well if I didn't have a good teacher.

[ That much is something that she's fairly confident in, to say the least. She doesn't even dare to hide the massive amount of pride in her voice that lingers there. Not that she would ever want to, really. ]

I'd be disappointed if I didn't. [ He should be proud of himself! For being a good teacher! ...is what she's implying here. But she puffs her cheeks for a moment when he makes fun of her for not mentioning shioyaki. Does she have to ban him from his own kitchen? Sources say no. For now, anyway. ] But you're making fun of me, aren't you, senpai? I can't believe you're being so mean. Next time, I'm keeping you out of the kitchen.

[It's probably some kind of poetic justice that after teasing her so much, he’d end up a little embarrassed again. She's called him a good teacher before, his face doesn't have any business getting this red... And yet.]

Ah, well... I'm only any good out of necessity. But it's kind of you to say.

[He scratches at the side of his face for a moment before shaking the embarrassment off. For now. ~~Easy does it, shounen.~~]

...I'm sorry, though. I probably teased you a little too much. I do have to keep you on your toes when you're in here, you know. But that was probably a little too far. [And maybe he's been a little giddy. If his chest has ever felt this light before... Shirou doesn't think he remembers it.] Hmm...

[It's a thoughtful hum that he makes as he gets the wire grill off of its shelf. Once he's made the few steps back, though, the grin he's sporting is a wide one.]

Here, how about this? To get back at me, I'll let you do whatever you like to me.

[Shirou no.]

You shouldn't be so humble, senpai. Even if it's out of necessity, you put a lot of heart into your cooking. Both myself and Fujimura-sensei can tell, you know. Otherwise, we wouldn't enjoy it so much.

[ There's a smile that traces upon her features that seems a little nostalgic in some ways, but somehow... sad, in others. But it's only for a flicker of a second before it grows into something warm. ]

But I'm glad that you're here, senpai. I don't think it would be the same if you weren't. And I'll take you up on that--

[ --kind offer, she's about to finish it up with but instead she just finds herself blinking at him with a curious look, eyes wide in what seems to be shock. Sakura tries to move her mouth to make words come out, but there's only one thing that comes out.

At first, anyway. ]

... What?

Edited 2018-01-22 20:48 (UTC)

S- S- Senpaaaaaai!?

[ And there it is the realization of those words as she finds herself spluttering those words, almost dropping the kitchen utensil that she has in her hands as she practically screeches that out so loudly that if there were anybody else in the house, they'd be able to hear it.

Thank goodness they're alone then, huh? ]

Senpai, you shouldn't be making such bold claims like that so easily!! I mean, it's not that I mind- [ Sakura, no, please backtrack- ] T-That's not what I meant, but-!! Ah, uuh... I mean, isn't it too soon for something like that?!

Edited 2018-01-22 20:52 (UTC)

[The yell jolts through him. Weaker men would have dropped the wire grill, but Shirou gets it on the counter just in time.

He'd thought he was making an offer out of good faith. Emiya Shirou has yet to find out just how much of a mistake he's made.

But he will, soon enough.]

S-Sakura?! What...

[...Oh. Wait.

When she says "that", she can't mean… That, can she...?

...]

...H-hey. What exactly do you mean by "too soon"...?

[He's pretty sure he actually knows. He just doesn't want to be right. Or to have to say it out loud.]

[ He asks her what she means by "too soon" and that causes her cheeks to light up in a fluster, jaw dropped straight to the ground as she can barely keep her composure. ]

That...!

[ She stops right after the first word, the rest of it catching in her throat as her cheeks burn a bright scarlet. It's spread from there to the tips of her ears and she almost screeches like a record to a halt. ]

Senpai!! You shouldn't be asking a girl to say weird things like that! It's too improper!

[ And in fact just to prove just that, she'll even push Shirou away from her because this is not happening today. Even if they're not remotely close they're still.

Close enough. ]

Edited 2018-01-26 19:44 (UTC)

[Oh God, then she... She actually does mean... That...!

All the blood rushes to his face. This is too much for one man to take.]

No, that's not what I- You don't need to- Hah!? [He isn't expecting it, not that suddenly. He's not ready for it and that is Very Bad.] W- Sakura, w-wait a minute, don't push me like that-!

[Shirou feels it before he really recognizes what it means, too flustered with Sakura's hands on him to notice his feet sliding on the floor and his upper half tilting forward.

He has never fallen in this kitchen before.

Not until now.

Emiya Shirou screams at himself in his head, words that he perhaps would have screamed at himself in a different life during a much more serious time, but they suffice enough for the issue at hand.

I-I can't believe it...! Who on earth would trip at a time like this!?]

[It's not as bad as he thinks it will be, but it's still decidedly Not Good. His arms shake on either side of Sakura, hands gripping the counter to the point of pain. They're the only things keeping him from touching her and losing both his control and his sanity in one fell swoop.

He's cursed. Emiya Shirou is cursed. That, or every last drop of luck he had got used up the moment Sakura confessed to him.]

Sakura... [Just speaking makes his face burn a deep red that nearly matches his hair. He's determinedly staring at a point above her head, but he knows his mouth is probably close enough to- NO!] S-sorry... Are you hurt?

[~~well they're definitely close now good job Sakura~~]

[ She's in complete shock when she sees him completely trip and it's enough to make her almost flinch and reach out but it's already too late and he's already down for the count. Even though it's completely her fault, it's—

Her mouth opens and closes, as if uncertain. ]

I'm fine... sorry, senpai. I didn't mean to...

N-no, Sakura, you don't need to apologize...! [He leans back a little bit, even as his neck twinges in complaint, to get a good look at her. They really are... close to each other...

No. This is bad. He has... to keep his mind from straying there...!]

It's not your fault. [Then, at least, he's able to manage a lopsided smile. His cheeks are still red, but the smile is a true one.] The only one to blame is my own dumb self. Nothing would've happened if I hadn't gotten all worked up.

[ He tells her that she shouldn't have to apologize, and yet, she's doing it irregardless of it all. He says it's not her fault, and she isn't certain if she's satisfied with that answer. ]

No, that's-- [ She wants to tell him that he's wrong, but she stops herself. ] It really is okay, senpai. Let's just... get back to work.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

closed ❀

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

i hope you're happy!!!

I am, huffs!!

no subject

no subject

1 / many, probably?

2 / yeah, keep going

3 / 3 okay i'm good

no subject

no subject

1/2, whoops I guess it’s my turn for multiparters now

2/2, did you know that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

no subject

no subject

no subject