closed ❀ nekodamashi-hen divergence

[miirai]

[...to be honest, Furude Rika -

- if she can even be allowed to call herself that anymore, really -

her heart has basically... been torn to shreds to the point where she just wants to give up. If she can just get thrown back into Showa 58 - to 1983 - at any given moment, then what's the point?

Is it just her fate to experience these loops, over and over...?

That no matter what happens, she can't reach that happy ending?

Even in a world that was meant to be a perfect one, she died. That's why she suggested the game of hide and seek. Nobody would find her here, in the saiguden. It's a game of life and death. If even one of them finds her, then she'll reconsider. But if they don't...

...

It's not their fault.

She doesn't blame them in the slightest bit. But if they have to get hurt in each and every Fragment because of her - isn't it obvious what her choice should be?

Shouldn't she leave the stage early?

......It hurts so much, to make a choice like this. That is why she'll wait, and bide her time.

Because there's still a fragment of her that wants to still hope, in spite of her heart basically buckling under.

Come and find me, if you can, she thinks to herself, her eyes wet with tears, her voice breaking into hollow, broken laughter, alone. Because that what she truly is... right...?]

Comments

[keichan]

[ Keiichi had to hand it to Rika: she was very good at hiding. He'd checked the school, the waterwheel, and countless other places. But there was still no sign of Rika.

He'd seen a couple of older villagers and asked them if they'd seen her. They hadn't, but...

"Rika-chama...? Perhaps she's practicing her dance for the Watanagashi Festival."

"Oh? I wonder if she's using that heavy ritual hoe right now... but they keep that one locked up in the Saiguden, don't they?"

That gave Keiichi somewhere to check. It seemed like a red herring, but it was worth a shot.

When he arrived at the she'd, however, it did look like someone had unlocked the door. So, perhaps he had found her after all. ]

Rika-chan? Are you in here?

[ He pushed the door open slowly, peeking his head into the dusty shed. ]

[miirai]

[That voice...

Ah, so it's Keiichi that's found her, huh? How hilariously ironic. He can probably hear the bitter laughter that's filtered through sobs that she tries to hold back, her shoulders shaking as she lowers the small fragment away from her neck, having it drop by her side.

Is this also...?

...

No. She has what she wants. Maybe... she can... just a little longer...]

Mii. Find me if you can, Keiichi.

[She's not actually hiding - completely in sight, standing in front of the rather hollow statue of Oyashiro-sama - of Hanyuu.

And she's trying her hardest to push her usual tones into her voice in spite of how she's feeling.]

[keichan]

[ Well, it looks like he found her. But his eyes widen slightly as he sees her drop something to the floor next to her. Her small frame looks even smaller than usual now, like she's withering away before his eyes.

He takes a step closer, his facial expression softening into one of concern. He can hear something in her voice, something that colors her usual bright and cheerful tones... something sad.

Satoko had said she'd had a bad dream. But was that really it...? ]

Rika-chan...

[ He says her name softly, stepping closer to her. A hand reaches out and gently rests on her shoulder. His hand is pretty warm from being outside looking for her for so long. ]

1 / 2

[miirai]

[The way he says her name like that... it almost makes her feel guilty for what she was considering just moments ago.

And perhaps that's fate, too.

Trying to slap her in the face for choosing something for herself instead of having fate do what it's meant to do for her.

He'll probably notice the way she hangs her head, obscuring the expression in her eyes. But there's no mistaking the streaks of tears down the side of her face.

Aah... how unfortunate... but she can't give up now, can she?]

You have won, Keiichi.

[There's something halfhearted about the way she says those four words.

It's as if she's given up, rather than truly acknowledging that he's found her.]

2 / 2

[miirai]

[And then she raises her head, slight tears in her eyes. But she smiles through it all in spite of everything.

When she speaks up, there's an obvious weakness in every syllable, as if she's not even giving the bare minimum to her words.]

... So, I suppose I will just have to take the punishment game now. Nipah~☆

[keichan]

[ His heart aches just hearing the strain in her voice, and the tears in her eyes don't help matters at all. It's beyond obvious at this point that she's hurting on the inside.

His mind thinks to what she was doing earlier, when he found her. She was holding something close to her before dropping it. He looks down and sees something... something sharp. Like a piece of broken pottery.

Was she... really going to hurt herself?

He doesn't say anything. His pupils dilate in alarm, and the hand on her shoulder trembles for a second.

Then, he pulls her close by the shoulders, hugging her tight. One of his hands moves to the back of her head and cradles it against his torso. ]

Rika-chan... please... what were you doing here?

[ His voice is strained with grief and concern. And he's not letting go. ]

[miirai]

Mi- Mii...!?

[In spite of herself, she can't help the soft sound that escapes her lips, surprised when he pulls her in close. He's warm, comforting. She can hear the concern in his voice and how that makes her heart twist.]

It's... my favorite hiding place.

[She lies to him, a little unsteady even as she buries her head a little against his chest

She can't tell him the truth. The truth would only hurt him more, and she couldn't do that to one of her friends.]

[keichan]

[ She's lying, and he knows it. She's been crying. It's in her eyes as well as in her voice, and it's even in the way that she burrows into him.

She doesn't want to bother him with whatever she's feeling. She wants to carry that weight by herself, he bets. But he won't let her. ]

Rika-chan... please don't lie to me.

[ His hold on her only tightens. He's glad he found her now. If he hadn't found her when he had, perhaps she might have gone through with it. ]

Just... tell me why. I want to know, because if there's something I can do to help you, I want to do it! I can't stand the thought of losing a single one of my friends, so just tell me what I have to do!

[ His own voice sounds troubled... even desperate. Seeing someone he cares about so much hurting like this... even if she tries to hide it, even if she insists that there's nothing he can do, he can't accept just doing nothing. ]

[miirai]

...

[The cogs in her mind are winding, trying to figure out what she could say. What could she possibly say? She can't have hope, if she knows it might possibly get snatched again.

But then again...

If she had Keiichi by her side, would she be able to stop the tragedy? She doesn't know.]

...Keiichi. Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me. And as for whether or not you can help me...

[Her voice keeps its sad, childish tones until she finally speaks up again.

It's only then that her age truly shows.]

Could you stop a gun, Keiichi? You can't, right?

[keichan]

[ Of course he'd believe her. Why wouldn't he? Even if she said something outrageous, even if he found it completely unbelievable, what benefit would she get from lying to him about it?

Even if she happened to be mistaken, shouldn't he at least hear her out?

But then, there's something troubling that she says... something about a gun. Is she referring to his past somehow? Does she know about what he did before he came to Hinamizawa...?

No, this must be something different. It sounds like she's the one looking down a barrel of a gun. ]

A gun...? Why do you need to stop a gun, Rika-chan?

[ He's not sure what she's talking about exactly. For all he knows, she could be talking about a metaphorical gun. Either way, though, she's not going anywhere. And she's definitely not going to be picking up whatever that shard is on the ground. ]

[miirai]

Does it really matter...?

[She can't be bothered to pretend to act "her age" - she's too tired and done for it.]

Just answer the question.

[keichan]

[ He thinks for a moment. How would he stop a gun? Once fired, there's no way to dodge a bullet, right? It'll either hit you or miss.

There's a fraction of a second between when it fires and when it strikes its target, but that's not enough time for someone to reliably dodge. No, what would be better is if it didn't fire at all. ]

Alright, well... you might not be able to stop a gun, but you can stop the person from firing it. A gun is a useless piece of machinery without someone to operate it, completely incapable of firing on its own! So, you don't even need to try to stop it! Instead, you focus on the person who's pulling the trigger! You find out why they want to pull the trigger, and you stop them from doing it! Or you smash the gun into tiny pieces so it can never be fired again! Or if you have to, you break their trigger finger so they can't even fire it in the first place!

[ He has that same determined sound in his voice that he gets when he talks about fate. ]

[miirai]

Ha.... hahahaha...

[Her laughter is so hollow, so bitter. Her shoulders shake in a way that doesn't dare to hide her feelings.]

That's impossible. If you could simply get the gun out of their hands, then maybe... [Maybe I would have had a chance, she doesn't say.] And more than that, you can't stop someone who has an irrational reason for firing just by knowing 'why'.They're strong, even without a weapon like that, too.

[keichan]

Rika-chan... you're keeping a secret from me. And if it's something you don't want to tell anyone, then I understand.

[ He grows more visibly frustrated, however, and thus, more visibly impassioned. ]

But if you come at a situation without knowing the specifics, then of course the answer's not going to be obvious! And if there's something troubling you, then what advice can I give you that'll be any use if you don't tell me what it is?!?

[ He's not yelling at her, in so much as there's no anger in his voice. But there's plenty of fire in it. And his grip is almost ironclad on her shoulders, yet not in a painful way that digs into her skin.

But a steadfast, immovable way. Like he's a stubborn obstacle... and that she'd need to kill him before he lets her pick up that sharp, broken shard that she dropped again. ]

[miirai]

[Again, she's near silent.

For another moment in time, she doesn't know what to say. The frustration in his voice and eyes are enough for her to already wilt a little bit.]

Keiichi. [The way she says his name is quiet, almost painfully so.] If I told you... would you believe me? Would you listen to me completely... and not laugh, or think that I'm crazy...?

[keichan]

Of course I won't. If something's troubling you this much, then what kind of friend would I be if I just laughed it off?!?

[ He sounds incredulous at the insinuation. Even if it's something outlandish, something that seems impossible to him... isn't it still worth hearing her out and being safe rather than sorry? ]

[miirai]

Okay.

[It's such a simple word.

And yet, even that much shakes her to her core. She's nervous to talk about even this much.]

I'll trust you, Keiichi. So... I'll tell you everything.

[Then, she begins to explain, with a sorrowful voice.]

To me, this isn't my Hinamizawa... I've long passed Showa 58. But I was dragged back. I didn't want to be back... I've had enough of reliving the June of Showa 58... to only die repeatedly again.

... hahaha. Maybe this is karma for abandoning all those past Hinamizawas.

[keichan]

[ His eyes widen, and as Rika talks, it looks like he's in absolute shock. Disbelief, perhaps. She's saying strange things that he hardly understands. Having long passed Showa 58... dying repeatedly... none of that makes any sense to him.

It does, plainly, unbelievable.

But his face softens after a second, and he reaches out a hand.

That hand gently strokes the top of her head. ]

Rika-chan... you might have to explain it to me in more detail before I understand it at all, but... I'll listen to you. And whatever you tell me... I'll believe you.

[ There's a sincerity to his voice, like this is a matter of principle to him. That's because it is. He's going to hear her out. ]

Do you think someone is going to hurt you?

[miirai]

... It is Furude Rika's fate to die in June of Showa 58, on the night of the Watanagashi festival, or a few days after.

[...]

Sorry. I probably shouldn't be using that word. To be honest... I don't know how to explain it very well myself. I don't know everything.

[It's all too different.]

All I know is that I had escaped that... a few years ago... the repeating June 1983, where I would always die. Thanks to you, and the others. I had left the village, and I had my happy ending... but then I got thrown back in, repeating the same month. Over and over. I tried to stop the tragedies... but each time so far, I failed.

Even in a world that was supposed to be the happiest one... I still failed.

So if you're asking me if someone is going to hurt me... the answer is yes, of course. Someone is after my life. And I don't understand why.

[keichan]

[ He's about to chastise her for using the word "fate," but she beats him to it. And even then, what she says is so bizarre... how could she live the same cycle of events over and over again, doomed to failure? What tragedies does she keep on being unable to stop?

And yet, listening to her... it sounds like she's telling the truth. Like this has been weighing on her over and over again. ]

And each time something happens to you... you just end up back in this same scenario?

[ His fingers gently move along her head. Then, he lowers himself down to a seated position next to her, encouraging her to rest against him. ]

That sounds awful. I can talk all day about not giving up, but if what you're saying is true, then you've probably already heard me say it.

[miirai]

...Yes. It's different every time, but there are usually similarities in each world.

[She sits down next to him, pulling her legs close to her chest, looking rather disheartened.]

It's... hard to not want to give up, Keiichi. Even though I've done this all before, it's not the same Hinamizawa. And more than that, Hanyuu...

[Her words trail off.]

[keichan]

[ Hanyuu...? That name doesn't ring a bell to him. But he drapes an arm over her small frame and brings her to his shoulder, that hand then patting her head softly. ]

Have you tried telling the others? Rena, Mion, Satoko... Shion... [ That's right, Rika mentioned Shion specifically when they were getting ready to play today's game. ] All of us would be willing to help you. We should make taking care of you our most important priority, shouldn't we? If there's even a chance that something would happen to one of our beloved club members, then we need to unite our efforts and do everything we can to protect them!

[miirai]

... They wouldn't believe such a silly story. If anything, it would probably be excused as a part of the 'bad dream' that I had.

[She sighs a little bit before trying to attempt and reach out for the fragment that she had dropped onto the floor -- if Keiichi doesn't stop her, first.]

[keichan]

[ Ah. He sees her moving for it. So, his hand reaches over and grabs hers.

Congratulations, Rika, you get to hold Keiichi's hand before anyone else in this world does. ]

Of course they'd believe you! Even if it's hard to believe, all of us trust you, Rika-chan! And more importantly, we want to protect you and keep you safe! None of us would want to live in a world without you, so please, believe in us, even if you don't think you can escape this so-called fate of yours!

[miirai]

I want to... I want to believe... but it's-

[Her voice cracks, shaky and filled with an inner torment that can't be easily described in words.]

It's too hard! I can't keep doing this, Keiichi! I can't keep on going, over and over when I'm the only one who remembers it all!